Can You Hear Me Now?

I did a speech yesterday to help open a new Senior Center. They had spent about ten thousand dollars on a sound system and forgot to get a microphone, I guess. Anyway I had two mikes conk out on me and it was like climbing up a mountain of ice.

I used the situation. First failure I said, “I knew it was going to be one of those days this morning when those M&M’s melted in my hand.” Next failure I went into a tap dancing routine. Next time I did an ad lib I cannot recall, but it worked, I remember that.

Each time I would continue without the mike. Managed to be heard. Then when they brought me another mike, I asked, “What is this for?”

And finally with the next mike failure I started acting like a fiery Baptist preacher waving my arms, moving my mouth as if speaking and they loved it. I did a five point message, 1 2 3 4 5 and as I put up each finger giving this wild silent speech the audience started calling out the numbers and following along. It was wonderful. As long as I used the proper fingers I could not say anything that was politically incorrect or offensive.

I finally gave up on mikes and did my close. Sort of a tired throat today but the chairman and the sound people all came up and told me that I was “The Ultimate Professional” to come through in spite of everything. Oh yeah, almost forgot, they really botched up my introduction too but that is life on the senior circuit.

So remember: When you’re down and out, lift up your head and shout: I’m Down And Out!!!

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