Two types of conflict can occur in the workplace: unnecessary conflict and resolvable conflict. Unnecessary conflict arises when individuals have differing perceptions, lack of information or hostile feelings that can appear unexpectedly. Last week, I listed 10 steps you can take to defuse unnecessary conflicts and prevent them from building. Let's take a look at three scenarios involving situations of unnecessary conflict and examine the methods of addressing them.

PART I: THE INEFFECTIVE APPROACH

In this section, we'll look at an ineffective approach to resolving an unnecessary conflict over three scenarios.

Scenario 1: Employee under Stress

Setup: In this scenario, a customer service representative who has been overburdened with work is called into the manager's office and learns that her request for a day off has been denied. Notice the manager's coolness, inattention to the rep and singular focus on getting the work done as opposed to the rep's need for time off. Okay, roll it:

Customer Service Rep (a bit anxious and agitated): "You wanted to see me, Wendy?"

Manager (without making eye contact): "Yes Chris, have a seat. Because of an increase in unit volume sales, I have to deny your request for a day off. "

CSR: "What! I can't believe this! I gave you plenty of notice. What gives?"

Manager (matter of factly): "We've seen a dramatic increase in business and it's just not possible to give you the time off. We all have to pitch in and help out."

CSR : "I more than pull my weight around here. I just don't get it. I make only one request a year for time off, and this is the thanks I get. I really need this time off. I'm under a great deal of stress."

Manager: "Stress comes with the territory. The decision is final and I don't want to hear any more about it."

CSR: "This is so typical of this company. Stiff the person who works the hardest and give her the least in return for her efforts."

Scenario 2: Lack of Support

Setup: In this scenario, an employee complains to her manager about several team members whom she feels are not pulling their weight. The manager doesn't get enough information about the source of the problem and thus can't determine the true nature of the conflict. This leads to an escalating conflict. The manager ends up judging the employee and prematurely adopts a defensive posture towards her complaint. Okay, roll the tape:

Employee (visibly upset): "Kathy, I'm really upset that Sandy and Paul aren't pulling their weight on this new project. I've had to cover for them three times this week."

Manager (slightly condescendingly): "You can't compare yourself to them. You have more experience and have been here longer."

Employee (looking downcast): "I don't see that as a reason for my having to cover for incompetent employees."

Manager (with surprise): "You asked me for more responsibility and I gave it to you. This sort of thing comes with the territory."

Employee (defensively): "Well, when I ask for help, they act like I am imposing on their time. Gimme a break - I thought we were a team."

Manager (dismissive and slightly disgusted): "Look, if you want, I'll speak to Sandy and Paul, but I would rather you handle this yourself."

Employee (downcast and disgruntled): "Fine, I'll deal with it myself."

Scenario 3: Running Meetings

Setup: A new manager gives a veteran supervisor critical but constructive feedback on running meetings without agendas. The supervisor deflects the feedback by bringing up tangential issues. Roll it:

Manager: "Joe, I wanted to speak to you about running our staff meetings without an agenda."

Supervisor (defensively): "I don't have time to write an agenda with all these new projects that suddenly fell into my lap."

Manager (with irritation): "You asked me for new and exciting projects to challenge you. You should have told me that the extra work would interfere with your ability to plan meetings."

Supervisor (annoyed): "I don't have time for meetings. Why do we need the agendas in the first place? We never had them before you showed up. Seems like more work and a waste of time."

Manage r (short tone of voice): "I think it's important to have agendas. I don't care what was in place before I got here. We need better productivity and a change in procedures."

Supervisor (defensively): "I don't see the results. Seems like we do the same amount of work with or without an agenda."

Manager (judgingly): "Maybe if you tried using one, you would see the difference!"

Supervisor: "Meetings are too long to begin with."

Manager: "The meetings would be more productive with agendas."

PART II: THE RIGHT APPROACH TO CONFLICT

Now let's rewind each scenario and play them back to demonstrate how the particular conflict should have been handled. But before we do, let me remind you of the steps I recommended managers take to prevent, manage and resolve conflict in last week's issue:

• Defuse the emotion and prevent the conflict from building;
• Identify the cause of the conflict;
• Decide whether to intervene; and
• Determine how to otherwise improve the situation.

Okay, now back to the scenarios. Each scenario will proceed from the same set-up.

Scenario 1: Employee under Stress

Conflict Management Strategy: The manager is still determined to deny the customer service representative the requested day off, but also is trying to prevent a conflict by expressing an understanding of the pressure the rep is under. The manager concludes by showing empathy for the rep and by offering a concession in the form of an alternate day off. Roll the tape:

Manager: "Hi, Chris, thanks for stopping by. I'd like to discuss your recent request for time off. "

CSR (somewhat nervously): "What about my request?"

Manager: "Chris, as you're probably aware, business has picked up dramatically, and, in the process, the number of calls that come through to customer service has also increased."

CSR (sighing): "Yeah, it's been stressful. What does this have to do with my request?"

Manager: "Unfortunately, because of the increase, I have to deny your day off. I understand that this is very difficult for you. You've done a wonderful job in customer service, and your contributions are vital to our success. Is there anything that I can do to help you decrease your stress?"

CSR (with agitation): "You can't be serious. I made plans for my day off. I need the time."

Manager: "I'd really like to give you the time, but because of the increase, it's just not possible at this time. I'll try to see if I can schedule you for a day off at a later date, and I would like to work with you to help you make your workload more manageable."

Scenario 2: Lack of Support

Conflict Management Strategy: The manager tries to minimize conflict by providing a sounding board to defuse the situation. The manager avoids judging or giving unsolicited advice and helps the employee solve the problem. Although she listens empathetically, the manager is careful neither to agree with the employee nor to react strongly. She remains even-toned, leaving both the employee's ownership of the problem and her dignity intact. Roll 'em:

Employee (visibly upset): "Kathy, I'm really upset that Sandy and Paul are not pulling their weight on this new project. I've had to cover for them three times this week."

Manager (calm, neutral tone): "Tell me more about it, Pat."

Employee (looks manager in the eye): "Look, I realize that because of my experience I'm expected to give more than others."

Manager: "You feel I expect more from you because of your experience?"

Employee: "Well, yes, but that's okay with me."

Manager: "So that works for you?"

Employee: "Yes, except recently I've had to stay late, and when I ask for help, Sandy and Paul act as if I am bogging them down."

Manager: "Well, I wanted to give you the challenging work you asked for in the form of new assignments."

Employee: "I don't mind new challenges - I just need to know that the support is there when I need it."

Manager: "Fair enough. Suppose we meet once a week to discuss your progress on these new assignments, and I can give you feedback on additional support possibilities within the company."

Employee: "That would help. Thanks."

Scenario 3: Running Meetings

Conflict Management Strategy: In this scenario, the manager tries to control the conflict while giving critical feedback by helping the employee focus on the central issue that can be resolved. The employee will try to convince the manager that his point of view is correct; it is the manager's responsibility to resist the temptation to argue and seek to diminish the employee's defensive attitude. Okay, let's go to the tape:

Manager: "Joe, I'd like to talk with you about running our staff meetings. I appreciate the fact that you've taken on this responsibility - the staff seems to be responding very well to your guidance and leadership. I wanted to give you some feedback on how you can improve your running of meetings."

Supervisor (friendly demeanor): "Sure, what's up?"

Manager: "I've noticed that at the last few meetings, you haven't used an agenda even though I asked you to use one. Staff members are finding it difficult to accomplish anything during these meetings, and we eventually run out of time needed to cover important issues."

Supervisor (defensively): "I really don't have time to write an agenda. I have my hands full tracking new projects."

Manager: "You're feeling is that you don't have time to write an agenda?"

Supervisor (with diminished defensiveness): "Yeah, I can't spare the time to attend meetings let alone prepare an agenda."

Manager: "So you feel like you don't have the time to attend meetings?"

Supervisor: "That's right."

Manager (neutral but assertive tone): "Joe, several staffers have told me that they feel comfortable using agendas and that our productivity at these meetings increases dramatically. I would like you to prepare and use an agenda when you run our meetings."

Supervisor: "Why all of sudden, do we need agendas? We never used them before and we did fine without them. I think they're a waste of time."

Manager: "We've decided to use agendas as a team to help us stay on track. Previously, we were all over the place and accomplishing nothing."

Supervisor (defensively): "Meetings are just too long either way. Agendas don't seem to improve anything."

Manager (firmly assertive): "Agendas help us stay on track and increase productivity. I'm committed to using them. I'd be more than happy to sit down with you and show you a sample that works for me."

Conclusion

Unnecessary conflicts can needlessly disrupt a workplace. By defusing the emotion, a manager can prevent the conflict from escalating. Next week, we'll move from unnecessary to resolvable conflict and the 10 steps to handling it effectively.

TRAINING BLOOPERS

True stories that safety trainers would rather forget

Putting the 'Graphic' in Graphics

I work in an Air Force safety office and was tasked with developing a local conditions safety briefing for a group that was going to be conducting an exercise at our base. I used an old PowerPoint presentation that I had used for another group and did some customizing for the weather conditions at this time of year and made some other minor changes. I renamed it and saved it to the network on a public folder. This was on a Friday and I was to give the presentation on the following Monday.

Monday, I discovered that the computer would not have access to the network. Normally I carried two thumb drives: one for official use and one for personal use. I had loaned my "official" drive to a co-worker because he was going on a trip and I kept all of our publications on that drive for reference. Over the weekend I had down-loaded some pictures for some presentations I was working on. Most were pretty bloody, disgusting or worse.

So, Monday I downloaded my presentation and went on my merry way. I inserted my thumb drive and much to my horror, the computer pulled up thumbnails, not icons like my computer does. Did I mention that these were being projected on a 20-foot-high movie screen?  I didn't realize the projector was on until I heard the comments from the audience. I couldn't find my brief because I had renamed it and couldn't remember what it was. I quickly pulled the video cable, gave the briefing from memory and departed the area quickly. The 5 minute ordeal got my t-shirt wetter than 30 minutes on a stair stepper at high speed.

As soon as I got back to the office, I told my boss what had happened. Her response was a stifled grin and a quick departure from the office. I don't know if anything was said about the incident.

(Please withhold my name. I hope somebody gets a chuckle and learns something at my expense!)

What's the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you during a training session? Send your bloopers or blunders to catherinej@bongarde.com . Don't worry - we won't use your name unless you say we can.

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