It’s a good idea to proofread your resume before you send it out. And don’t limit your check to punctuation and grammar. Think about what you’re saying and consider whether this is really information you want to convey to prospective employers. The job applicants who authored these actual bloopers would have been well advised to take this advice. This list comes from veteran personnel expert and author Robert Half:

REASONS FOR LEAVING LAST JOB

• Responsibility makes me nervous.
• They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions.
• Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.
• I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
• The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers.
• Being in trouble with the law, I moved quite frequently.
• In my last position, got nowhere as part of a 60-person herd. Consequently, I did not give the company my full effort and received no chance of advancement in return.

EDUCATION & QUALIFICATIONS

• Finished eighth in my high school graduating class of ten.
• Suspected to graduate early next year.
• No education or experience.
• I have eight arms and eight legs with excellent interpersonal skills.
• I have unsuccessfully raised a dog.
• At the age of twelve, I began hustling newspapers like many other great Americans had done. The only difference was that they became great.

SPECIAL REQUESTS

• I'll need $30K to start, full medical, three weeks of vacation, stock options and ideally a European sedan.
• I need just enough money to have pizza every night.
• I prefer informality like wearing sports shirts and sandals for footwear in the summer. I prefer setting my own pace. When things get slack I like the right to walk out and get a haircut during working hours.
• Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.
• My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
• I am loyal to my employer at all costs. . . . Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.

SKILLS & ACCOMPLISHMENTS

• Proven ability to track down and correct erors.
• I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.
• I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant.
• Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory.
• I have never had a single blemish held against me and my IQ is off the charts.
• I am quick at typing, about 25 word per minute, 35 with caffeinated coffee.

Source: Accountemps, 1995 press release

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